 | |  | |  | |  | |  | |  | |  | |  | |  | |  | |  | |  | |  |
2/7/12
motherfucking mcdonald's. where do i begin? well, logically, the very beginning would be a good start, so let's begin there ...
eight years ago, i walked across the street to get my mail and was overtaken by a herd of tiny speckled puppies straight off a poster
in a guidance counselor's office, thirteen to be exact; the tweakers across the street had a 160 lb. female pitbull who was constantly
pregnant with gynormous litters. the puppies that weren't given away ended up in a pen with the father; a giant vicious chow who had
gone insane from lack of interaction. please don't misunderstand-i actually live in a really nice neighborhood; the tweakers moved
out after 3 years and were replaced with a family with five kids and my street is back to being all cute and quiet and quaint again.
so anyway, i had to save one of those puppies. my youngest brother was living with me at the time and i asked him to choose one;
he chose the runt and i named him "kiddo" after beatrix kiddo in the "kill bill" movies. he was half starved, having had to compete
with 12 others and so little he fit in the top pocket of my overalls. i had just started renovation on the waterloo rd. studio, and that is
where he stayed while i painted the floors and walls and did a ton of other bullshit that turned out to be not very worthwhile-right in the
top pocket of my overalls.
before i got kiddo, i wasn't really a dog person. i had a dog whom i loved with all my heart when i was a child. he was a belgian
shepard named "thor" and i swear he understood english, he was so fucking intelligent; but he was shot by the fbi during a raid on my
mother's house when i was 14 and i never had a dog of my own after (though i got stuck with other people's idiot dogs more than
once but those are stories for another time (or maybe not because they're actually pretty boring stories).
i also had a cat named "suki" who i got from a metaphorically retarded stripper in euclid named "cherish," aka "cherry." i had to
follow her to her shitty house in collinwood where, even though she lived in abject poverty with her two daughters, she housed a small
fortune in pewter wizard figurines. not even kidding. and did i mention that even though it was 3 in the morning and i had to drive
back to akron, she made an unexpected detour through burger king and then had to spend 30 minutes saying good-bye to the kitty?
here's a funny story about cherry: we were working at the executive's den with a girl who's "stage name" had been "gabrielle" but
wanted to start using her real name, "brandy." cherry was incensed because one of her daughters was name "brandy" and she didn't
want to hear her daughter's name in a strip club. being the smart one, i was called in to make a decision like usual (again, not
kidding). i said that since brandy's real name was "brandy" and she was obviously older than cherry's daughter, she had first dibs on
the name. what i didn't say is, "if you don't want to hear your daughter's name in a bar, don't name her after a type of alcohol." but i
didn't say that because i learned right quick that blatant honesty often results in a blatant ass-kicking.
anyway, suki was an awesome cat, regardless of her metaphorically retarded origins. and, although i loved suki with all my heart and
still miss her today, suki didn't change my world. but kiddo did. kiddo changed everything.
i fell so hard in love with kiddo, that i couldn't eat meat any more; my love for him made me love all animals just as much. i know, that
sounds like some bleeding-heart hippie bullshit, doesn't it? say that to my face, bitch, and you'll be fucking it before your sucking it
and you're ears will be ringing and you're ball's will be stinging! ta-dah! rim-shot, please!
seriously, kiddo is the reason i became a vegetarian. i have a very active imagination and i can't imagine a piece of dog looking all
that different than a piece of beef, lamb, etc. and once that image was stuck in my head it was all over. also, i saw a movie called
"maîtresse" around the same time that shows a horse being slaughtered and then Gérard Depardieu eating a horse steak. i'm not
sure which image is grosser. yuck! let's get that nasty thought out of our heads ...
time for a music break!
Secret - Official Video by The Pierces
Are You a Boy or Are You a Girl - The Barbarians
Jet Boy Jet Girl-Elton Motello
Roadrunner - The Modern Lovers
Duffy - Mercy
okay, i feel better now. how 'bout you? i drank a few glasses of wine while we listened to that fine tunage. how 'bout you?
but i digress. having been raised by two german grandmothers, i was under the impression that a fat child was a healthy child, that
kielbasa, butter, mayonnaise, and cheese sandwiches with a hearty potato soup was a lenten lunch, that dinner was supposed to
have at least four items, and meat was always the largest portion of every meal.
i honestly had no idea what to eat sans meat. so i researched it and what i discovered was startling.
uh oh. time for bed. i'll have to tell you my startling discovery at a later date. really, all this bullshit will tie together in the end.
night night,
your dudeness
************************************************************************************************************************************************
1/29/12
it's 6:35 pm and i'm just getting settled in at home after a wicked hot and fun session with my brand-new limey bugger-mate, davey
jones.
he is so cute and so funny-not to mention oh-so-responsive (which totally makes the session for me) with a cock the size of a baby's
arm, which wasn't surprising since in my limited experience, english boys tend to be HUNG! i know, that's surprising, isn't it?
believe me, no one was more surprised than your's truly; i never would have guessed but that's a story for another time. really, ask
me about phineas sometime. anyway, i hate to be a shallow-ass size-queen (which is a moot point anyway being a very happily
married woman who has already hit the size-queen jackpot) but, then again, aren't we all? After all, i have no illusions about why
gentlemen covet my attention; i'm hotter than georgia asphalt in august and more fun than cedar point on shrooms. why should that
be something to feel bad about? in my opinion, there's no need to apologize for being human, so i won't: the boy looked damn good
and had a personality to match. the necessary ingredients for a fun day.
as i write this, i have a glass of white wine in one hand and an organic cigarette in the other, two darling pitt bull doggies at my feet
who think the sun shines out of my asshole, a belly full of sushi, and old david bowie on my pandora; needless to say, i'm feeling
pretty fucking content with my place in the universe and would like nothing more than to share my contentment with anyone i can.
which would be you, since you happen to be reading this right now.
therefore, allow me to tell you all about my day.
my session began at 11 am but i didn't wrap it up until almost 1, i was having such a good time; and, like all good sessions, it was
educational as well as entertaining. for example, did you know that mistresses in england give everyone "poppers" who request
anal? in my opinion that's cheating; just spend the extra 10 minutes priming the pump organically, right? the reason amyl nitrate is so
popular in the gay and bdsm community is because it causes the sphincter muscles to loosen which isn't as beneficial as it sounds.
when the sphincter is numbed or loosened chemically, you also lose out on a whole world of sensation and the "high" one feels is
achieved by a loss of oxygen to the brain and a loss of oxygen to the brain results in a fucking holocaust of brain cells. so, basically,
the high caused by inhalants is the same high caused by drowning. and no one needs a doctor to tell them the drowning isn't good
for your brain. so don't fucking do poppers! be an adult; if you're going to do drugs, do expensive drugs that aren't available at the
neighborhood bodega. okay, that's the end of Miranda's public service announcement; but i swear to christ, if i find out you've been
huffing you'll be wearing your balls as a turtleneck and you won't be able to complain because i'll just claim i was trying out a new form
of cbt and i'll be lying but you won't be able to prove it so i win this round.
but i digress.
as you probably already know, my style of dominion is very different than the majority american mistresses; i'm never angry or strict or
cold, or cruel--unless i'm doing a roleplay which requires such an attitude and i only roleplay with those i know inside and out (pun so
intended). rather my natural style is the exact opposite: i'm a kitten with claws. so sweet, so pretty and soft, so accommodating and
indulgent and teasing and playful, until i get the urge to scratch and bite. but i suspect that you won't mind so much because after i'm
done chewing on you, i'll lick your wounds and cuddle up into the crook of your neck and all is forgiven and we'll be the best of friends
until the urge to nibble strikes me once again. and you know it will ... and you know you can't wait until it does.
so its not surprising that absolutely no one plays it my way in england, at least its that way according to my new sodom-mate, davey
jones. apparently the ladies across the pond are seldom amused and playful is not in their nature. which just made it so much easier
for me to make his eyes roll back into his skull; so much easier for me to make his cock stiffen up so hard it couldn't contain all the
moisture inside. i bent over and ran my shiny pvc-clad ass against it while he was restrained by ankles and wrists and i swore he
was going to explode. but he didn't. he didn't do anything until i gave him permission because he was a good boy and he was
aiming to please. and you did, sweet cheeks; you most certainly did.
more interesting things i learned about england today:
paper towels are called kitchen rolls
the trashcan is called the rubbish bin
fucking really is called shagging
and if you don't knock off that limey bullshit right now, i'm going to run you over with a lorry. yep, he thought that was pretty funny too.
funny things miranda said during the session while imitating michael caine:
'Ello guv'nor! please buy my matches so that tiny tim can have a goose for christmas.
Do you realize that oscar wilde got 15 years of hard labor for this exact same thing?
So, what's it's like to be the queen's bitch?
The American "Office" is so much funnier than the British version. It is and you have to agree with me because i got your bullocks
in me fist.
well, that's about it.
oh, i'm so sorry, were you wanting all the dirty details? miranda is a lady; she doesn't bugger and tell; although she has no qualms
about filming and selling it.
goodnight my babies,
mmr
PS--more fun stuff for you! miranda's musical picks of the weeK!
1) "help, i'm alive" by metric
2) "the ballad of me and my friends" by frank turner
3) "we should fight" by ezra furman and the harpoons
4) "first day of my life" by bright eyes
5) "oasis" by amanda palmer
6) "shores of california" by the dresden dolls
7) "ocean breathes salty" by modest mouse
8) "float on" by modest mouse (miranda's favorite song!)
9) "bang bang" by nancy sinatra
10) "fuck you" by lilly allen
11) "booze cabana" by the goops
12) "chips ahoy!" by the hold steady
13) "stuck between stations" by the hold steady
14) "citrus" by the hold steady
15) "miss misery" by elliott smith
16) "waltz #2" by elliott smith (miranda's other favorite song!)
17) "oh my god" by ida maria
18) "icicle" by tori amos (this song is about masturbation!)
19) "madam george" by van morrison (miranda's very first favorite song--i was 15)
20) "work it" by missy elliott (miranda's favorite song to lap dance to!)
PPS--most likely there won't be quite so musical picks next week. i think i just shot my hot salty load all over my exceptionally
well-defined cheekbones covered in peaches and creme velvety soft skin. bitches.
motherfucking mcdonald's. where do i begin? well, logically, the very beginning would be a good start, so let's begin there ...
eight years ago, i walked across the street to get my mail and was overtaken by a herd of tiny speckled puppies straight off a poster
in a guidance counselor's office, thirteen to be exact; the tweakers across the street had a 160 lb. female pitbull who was constantly
pregnant with gynormous litters. the puppies that weren't given away ended up in a pen with the father; a giant vicious chow who had
gone insane from lack of interaction. please don't misunderstand-i actually live in a really nice neighborhood; the tweakers moved
out after 3 years and were replaced with a family with five kids and my street is back to being all cute and quiet and quaint again.
so anyway, i had to save one of those puppies. my youngest brother was living with me at the time and i asked him to choose one;
he chose the runt and i named him "kiddo" after beatrix kiddo in the "kill bill" movies. he was half starved, having had to compete
with 12 others and so little he fit in the top pocket of my overalls. i had just started renovation on the waterloo rd. studio, and that is
where he stayed while i painted the floors and walls and did a ton of other bullshit that turned out to be not very worthwhile-right in the
top pocket of my overalls.
before i got kiddo, i wasn't really a dog person. i had a dog whom i loved with all my heart when i was a child. he was a belgian
shepard named "thor" and i swear he understood english, he was so fucking intelligent; but he was shot by the fbi during a raid on my
mother's house when i was 14 and i never had a dog of my own after (though i got stuck with other people's idiot dogs more than
once but those are stories for another time (or maybe not because they're actually pretty boring stories).
i also had a cat named "suki" who i got from a metaphorically retarded stripper in euclid named "cherish," aka "cherry." i had to
follow her to her shitty house in collinwood where, even though she lived in abject poverty with her two daughters, she housed a small
fortune in pewter wizard figurines. not even kidding. and did i mention that even though it was 3 in the morning and i had to drive
back to akron, she made an unexpected detour through burger king and then had to spend 30 minutes saying good-bye to the kitty?
here's a funny story about cherry: we were working at the executive's den with a girl who's "stage name" had been "gabrielle" but
wanted to start using her real name, "brandy." cherry was incensed because one of her daughters was name "brandy" and she didn't
want to hear her daughter's name in a strip club. being the smart one, i was called in to make a decision like usual (again, not
kidding). i said that since brandy's real name was "brandy" and she was obviously older than cherry's daughter, she had first dibs on
the name. what i didn't say is, "if you don't want to hear your daughter's name in a bar, don't name her after a type of alcohol." but i
didn't say that because i learned right quick that blatant honesty often results in a blatant ass-kicking.
anyway, suki was an awesome cat, regardless of her metaphorically retarded origins. and, although i loved suki with all my heart and
still miss her today, suki didn't change my world. but kiddo did. kiddo changed everything.
i fell so hard in love with kiddo, that i couldn't eat meat any more; my love for him made me love all animals just as much. i know, that
sounds like some bleeding-heart hippie bullshit, doesn't it? say that to my face, bitch, and you'll be fucking it before your sucking it
and you're ears will be ringing and you're ball's will be stinging! ta-dah! rim-shot, please!
seriously, kiddo is the reason i became a vegetarian. i have a very active imagination and i can't imagine a piece of dog looking all
that different than a piece of beef, lamb, etc. and once that image was stuck in my head it was all over. also, i saw a movie called
"maîtresse" around the same time that shows a horse being slaughtered and then Gérard Depardieu eating a horse steak. i'm not
sure which image is grosser. yuck! let's get that nasty thought out of our heads ...
time for a music break!
Secret - Official Video by The Pierces
Are You a Boy or Are You a Girl - The Barbarians
Jet Boy Jet Girl-Elton Motello
Roadrunner - The Modern Lovers
Duffy - Mercy
okay, i feel better now. how 'bout you? i drank a few glasses of wine while we listened to that fine tunage. how 'bout you?
but i digress. having been raised by two german grandmothers, i was under the impression that a fat child was a healthy child, that
kielbasa, butter, mayonnaise, and cheese sandwiches with a hearty potato soup was a lenten lunch, that dinner was supposed to
have at least four items, and meat was always the largest portion of every meal.
i honestly had no idea what to eat sans meat. so i researched it and what i discovered was startling.
uh oh. time for bed. i'll have to tell you my startling discovery at a later date. really, all this bullshit will tie together in the end.
night night,
your dudeness
************************************************************************************************************************************************
1/29/12
it's 6:35 pm and i'm just getting settled in at home after a wicked hot and fun session with my brand-new limey bugger-mate, davey
jones.
he is so cute and so funny-not to mention oh-so-responsive (which totally makes the session for me) with a cock the size of a baby's
arm, which wasn't surprising since in my limited experience, english boys tend to be HUNG! i know, that's surprising, isn't it?
believe me, no one was more surprised than your's truly; i never would have guessed but that's a story for another time. really, ask
me about phineas sometime. anyway, i hate to be a shallow-ass size-queen (which is a moot point anyway being a very happily
married woman who has already hit the size-queen jackpot) but, then again, aren't we all? After all, i have no illusions about why
gentlemen covet my attention; i'm hotter than georgia asphalt in august and more fun than cedar point on shrooms. why should that
be something to feel bad about? in my opinion, there's no need to apologize for being human, so i won't: the boy looked damn good
and had a personality to match. the necessary ingredients for a fun day.
as i write this, i have a glass of white wine in one hand and an organic cigarette in the other, two darling pitt bull doggies at my feet
who think the sun shines out of my asshole, a belly full of sushi, and old david bowie on my pandora; needless to say, i'm feeling
pretty fucking content with my place in the universe and would like nothing more than to share my contentment with anyone i can.
which would be you, since you happen to be reading this right now.
therefore, allow me to tell you all about my day.
my session began at 11 am but i didn't wrap it up until almost 1, i was having such a good time; and, like all good sessions, it was
educational as well as entertaining. for example, did you know that mistresses in england give everyone "poppers" who request
anal? in my opinion that's cheating; just spend the extra 10 minutes priming the pump organically, right? the reason amyl nitrate is so
popular in the gay and bdsm community is because it causes the sphincter muscles to loosen which isn't as beneficial as it sounds.
when the sphincter is numbed or loosened chemically, you also lose out on a whole world of sensation and the "high" one feels is
achieved by a loss of oxygen to the brain and a loss of oxygen to the brain results in a fucking holocaust of brain cells. so, basically,
the high caused by inhalants is the same high caused by drowning. and no one needs a doctor to tell them the drowning isn't good
for your brain. so don't fucking do poppers! be an adult; if you're going to do drugs, do expensive drugs that aren't available at the
neighborhood bodega. okay, that's the end of Miranda's public service announcement; but i swear to christ, if i find out you've been
huffing you'll be wearing your balls as a turtleneck and you won't be able to complain because i'll just claim i was trying out a new form
of cbt and i'll be lying but you won't be able to prove it so i win this round.
but i digress.
as you probably already know, my style of dominion is very different than the majority american mistresses; i'm never angry or strict or
cold, or cruel--unless i'm doing a roleplay which requires such an attitude and i only roleplay with those i know inside and out (pun so
intended). rather my natural style is the exact opposite: i'm a kitten with claws. so sweet, so pretty and soft, so accommodating and
indulgent and teasing and playful, until i get the urge to scratch and bite. but i suspect that you won't mind so much because after i'm
done chewing on you, i'll lick your wounds and cuddle up into the crook of your neck and all is forgiven and we'll be the best of friends
until the urge to nibble strikes me once again. and you know it will ... and you know you can't wait until it does.
so its not surprising that absolutely no one plays it my way in england, at least its that way according to my new sodom-mate, davey
jones. apparently the ladies across the pond are seldom amused and playful is not in their nature. which just made it so much easier
for me to make his eyes roll back into his skull; so much easier for me to make his cock stiffen up so hard it couldn't contain all the
moisture inside. i bent over and ran my shiny pvc-clad ass against it while he was restrained by ankles and wrists and i swore he
was going to explode. but he didn't. he didn't do anything until i gave him permission because he was a good boy and he was
aiming to please. and you did, sweet cheeks; you most certainly did.
more interesting things i learned about england today:
paper towels are called kitchen rolls
the trashcan is called the rubbish bin
fucking really is called shagging
and if you don't knock off that limey bullshit right now, i'm going to run you over with a lorry. yep, he thought that was pretty funny too.
funny things miranda said during the session while imitating michael caine:
'Ello guv'nor! please buy my matches so that tiny tim can have a goose for christmas.
Do you realize that oscar wilde got 15 years of hard labor for this exact same thing?
So, what's it's like to be the queen's bitch?
The American "Office" is so much funnier than the British version. It is and you have to agree with me because i got your bullocks
in me fist.
well, that's about it.
oh, i'm so sorry, were you wanting all the dirty details? miranda is a lady; she doesn't bugger and tell; although she has no qualms
about filming and selling it.
goodnight my babies,
mmr
PS--more fun stuff for you! miranda's musical picks of the weeK!
1) "help, i'm alive" by metric
2) "the ballad of me and my friends" by frank turner
3) "we should fight" by ezra furman and the harpoons
4) "first day of my life" by bright eyes
5) "oasis" by amanda palmer
6) "shores of california" by the dresden dolls
7) "ocean breathes salty" by modest mouse
8) "float on" by modest mouse (miranda's favorite song!)
9) "bang bang" by nancy sinatra
10) "fuck you" by lilly allen
11) "booze cabana" by the goops
12) "chips ahoy!" by the hold steady
13) "stuck between stations" by the hold steady
14) "citrus" by the hold steady
15) "miss misery" by elliott smith
16) "waltz #2" by elliott smith (miranda's other favorite song!)
17) "oh my god" by ida maria
18) "icicle" by tori amos (this song is about masturbation!)
19) "madam george" by van morrison (miranda's very first favorite song--i was 15)
20) "work it" by missy elliott (miranda's favorite song to lap dance to!)
PPS--most likely there won't be quite so musical picks next week. i think i just shot my hot salty load all over my exceptionally
well-defined cheekbones covered in peaches and creme velvety soft skin. bitches.